Drunken words, sober thoughts
by DrewVS
Summary: Mizuki and Nanami decide to have a little drink while Tomoe is away. What harm can one itsy bitsy glass of sake do anyway? Solve Nanami's love life problems, that's what! Nanami's thoughts on the men in her life. Rated M for Nanami's potty mouth.


"Zu-Zu, believe me when I say this, marriage is a burden, so don't ever get married!" Nanami said, throwing her arm around her familiar while trying to balance the glass that held her sake in the other.

Mizuki chuckled.

"And why is that Nami-Kami?" an equally drunk Mizuki asked before erupting into laughter over Nanami's new nickname.

"Because… because I don't ever want to! Ever!" Nanami slurred while joining laughter.

Tomoe felt a vein pop.

He goes away for a while to the demon world and he comes back only to find that bastard snake getting Nanami drunk.

"We are so sorry Tomoe sama its just that Mizuki insisted that a lovely night like this shouldn't be wasted and .. and " Said Onikiri, who was currently hiding behind a very drunk Nanami.

"Nanami Sama said that she could handle one drink and before we knew it…" came the response for an equally petrified Kotetsu.

Tomoe sighed.

Tomorrow, he was going to chop that snake up long with the vegetables for stir fry.

"And you know why I don't want to bring out the ol' ball and chain, Zu-Zu?" Nanami chucked while Mizuku poured her another glass.

"Because men are pigs and you like snakes?" Mizuki replied while Tomoe felt another vein pop.

"Nooo…"

"It's because all the men I know are demons!" She replied puffing her cheeks.

"Whatya mean, Kami-Nami?"

"I mean, look at my options- if I marry that Juiro, he will make me stay up in the mountains. I happen to like flat land thank you very much! And he will most probably say something like 'Lets make a tengu baby army under a sakura tree!' how the hell am I supposed to lay eggs? Not to mention I have to sit on them so that they can hatch while he flies around enjoying the view!" She said shaking her head.

Tengu baby army? How much had this girl had to drink?

"What about Suirou then?" Mizuki asked, pouring himself another glass.

Nanami chuckled.

"I could play with him…" she said darkly.

"Imagine him in that pretty kimono screaming 'No Nanami sama, don't' while I strip it off him, my pretty!" She said laughing like a maniac, tugging on Mizuki's obi.

"Oh Nanami-Sama! Don't! stop!" Mizuki kept screaming while playing a very drunk damsel in distress.

Nanami is a closet pervert?

Tomoe felt his cheeks heat up at the thought of His god forcefully stripping the shy Tengu, destroying his dignity…

This was definitely going to be good black mail information.

"Then marry Mizuki! We can play together" The cheeky snake replied.

"What? Zu Zu is like my little annoying brother! You know the type that I want hit and hug at the same time!" Nanami said happily while punching the said snake in the arm.

Tomoe chuckled. That bastard had it coming.

"Besides Zu-Zu, I don't want snake babies wiggling out of me!"

Tomoe gagged.

"I got it, Kurama-San!" Mizuki said rubbing his arm

"Well he is nice… and he has always helped me… But no. He will go on bout how I am poor. Sex with him will make me fell like a hooker. Not to mention he thinks he is a fallen angel. Baka" Nanami replied.

Tomoe smirked. Suck on that you stupid crow!

"Got it!" Mizuki yelled.

"Marry Tomoe! He may be a man whore but Nami-Kami can look beyond that!"

That's it.

That snake was dead.

Tomoe got up and grabbed MizukI by the collar and dragged him towards the shrine entrance.

"Weee! Tom-tom is playing with me!" the drunk familiar answered while Tomoe dropped him outside the entrance and shut the door.

Tomoe sighed while he turned walking back to where Nanami sat.

Picking her up and throwing her across his shoulder, he made his way to the inner most part of the shrine- her room.

"Zu-Zu Chan, I can't possible marry Tomoe!" Nanami continued.

"I mean, he keeps calling me flat! Suree Nanami chan took timeto grow… But its there somewhere you stupid kitsune! And also he will keep shouting at Nanami chan in bed cause Nanami chan has no experience! Maybe Suirou was a better choice. He wouldn't know even if I was miserable!"

"I don't care how drunk you are, but no god of mine is marrying a stupid tengu" Tomoe replied angrily while entering her room.

"I don't want to marry a tengu! But tengu babies are so cute.. But no I don't want to get married! I don't want to!" Nanami said loudly, making Tomoe's sensitive ears twitch while he laid her down on her futon.

" Fine. No tengus, no snake and no what do you want?" He asked frustrated, while tucking her into bed.

"I don't want tengu babies… no snake babies" she said while slowly drifting into sleep

Tomoe stood up, running his hand through his hair.

"But fox babies would be so cute. The ears…" she said finally before drifting off to sleep.

Tomoe was frozen in his spot.

He turned and left her room hastily.

"Onikiri, Kotetsu! Let that damn snake inside, I need a drink right now!"


End file.
